Missing you

Dear Kenneth,
Alice and I found the box that you had labeled stink bomb and do not open, personal. I found letters that I had written you from Birmingham and letters I had written down through the years to you. I found a very, very sweet one that you wrote to me after we got married about how you thought God had brought us together. But now God has taken you and I miss you so much .  I am sorry for all the times that I got angry with you for things that you couldn't help.  I don't think I was a very good wife these last few years that we had together and I am so so sorry. I know I must have hurt you many times with the ways that I acted. I wish God could grant me some time with you to make things right like they were when we first got married. I dreamed that I heard you whistle for me ( that used to irritate me so). You were standing with a shirt on a hanger and I started saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry but you didn't answer me. Then I woke up. I knew that I would probably feel guilty for all the hateful ways I had with you, I just didn't like the life we were forced to live after you got PD. Things that I had to deal with but oh, now that you are gone I would gladly do all the things that you needed done and not mind at all. I beg you to forgive me. You meant more to me than I could even imagine and now I know how lucky I was to have you for my husband for 57 years. I am going to try to live the life I have left in a way that you would be proud of me.  All the letters that I read from your daddy to you while you were in the air force made me wish I had known you then. You had such a nice sweet face and smile. And you were as innocent as I was when we got married. Not many women can say that about her husband. Dear Kenneth, I feel so sad. I will never have the opportunity to watch Wheel of Fortune with you sitting on the couch with a blanket around both of us. We will never go to a restuarant together again, me pushing you in that chair that made it so easy for us to go places. I will never walk along the river that we loved so well pushing you and seeing the blue birds together. I could cry my eyes out, it hurts so bad. Please forgive me for every mean selfish thing I said to you. I took care of you but sometimes I resented it and I know that you knew I did.  And the night you said "I just don't understand." I didn't understand either.  I hope that you are in heaven right now looking down on me and saying I forgive you. And I just remember all the fun, good sweet times we shared those 57 years."  I hope that you are with Gerald. I hope he met you as you walked through the gates of Heaven. I hope that your mama and daddy and my mama and daddy were right behind them. And my sister Betty who you were so good to and my little brother Jr that died on Christmas day in 1950.  The kids and I will carry on with sad hearts but greatful hearts too that we had you in our lives and had your love and kindness and protection all those years. They love you very much. Alice has been so good to me and she misses and loves you so much.  Our little grandbaby Wiley is so sweet, I wish you could have lived and got to see him. I find it so hard to believe that you are gone. I held your hands and Alice kept her had over your heart and talked to Jesus until you drew your last breath.
Good night my good husband.
Your wife, Jane